My Demons

I decided as a woke up in that mess of my life that today was going to be the last.
It is weird when you walk around as normally as ever, but deep down you feel a peaceful resignation, as if you were looking forward for once.

This morning, I had breakfast with my mom one last time. As I was tasting for the last time a bow of cereals with her, I couldn't help but to glance at her face. She didn't even know what I was planning and, as usual, she was doing her crosswords with a serious face. After a while, she senses my look and glances back at me.

"What's wrong, honey?", she said.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking about how much I love you."

She smiles at me.

" That's unusual of you to say! "

"... I'm sorry... "

" For what, honey?"

" I should have told you sooner..."

I get up of my chair and take her in my arms, hugging her a very long time. She stays here, holding me, wondering what's on my mind. As I look back at her face to say goodbye, I see a little bit of panic growing in her eyes as she realised that something was really wrong with me. I gently caress her cheek and say :

" Don't be sad, mom. Be happy. For the both of us. "

I turn my back and run out. She tries to grab my arms and fails. She reachs out for me, calling me, screaming my name as I disappear outside. It's funny to think that I was before the one reaching out for her. I still hear her crying for me, begging for me not to do it while she already knew it was too late. But my mind is already made up.

As I run towards the bright and enormous bridge of our town, I remember all those moments when I was still a child and my mother was protecting me. If only she knew that she couldn't save me from what was coming. I smile sligty as I reach the brigde. The end is near. I feel it. And I welcome that feeling. I am a bit sad, but all the fear, all the madness and the dark clouds on my mind have disappeared as soon as I decided I needed to end it.

As I try to push myself on the corners of the bridge, I start to hesitate. I see in my head my best-friend and I feel her calling out for me. My phone in my pocket is starting to go crazy. I take it out. My best-friend is trying to reach me. She is angry. She does not understand what I am doing. She is begging me to think about her, about my mom. I am about to let her change my mind when my dark clouds are starting to come back. Those teenagers with devil eyes who are laughing at me. Their claws are hurting me. I am lost in a tornado. A black tornado. Then, the bigger devil comes to me. An older man with twisted eyes. His hands reach for me. I try to run away, but he catches me. His rude hands are already tearing apart my clothes. His member is already out, like a vicious snake. I am scared. So scared. A cold and unpleasant feeling like a poison is running throught my veins. I am screaming, trying to break free. But his arms are stronger than me. He pushes me closer and ...

I hear the sirens coming closer. I quickly get up on the side of the bridge and look down. The fall will be fatal. I know it. In my hand, my phone is still going crazy.
I turn around to see a bunch of policemen getting out of some cars and the nearest one is talking to me. But I won't listen to him. I simply smile.

" I used to be afraid. I used to hate the whole world for what some people did to me. I won't be sad anymore where I am going. "

One step is all I needed. Here I am, falling. Rocked by the wind and some loud screaming. As I fall down, faces of people I care about pass before my eyes. I can still hear in the background the witnesses screaming. But I do not care anymore. My demons are dying with me.